


not your ordinary field trip

by ahardnightsday



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Compound, Frequent Swearing, Gen, IronDad and SpiderSon, Lots of dialogue, My First AO3 Post, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Pietro Maximoff Lives, SO ORIGINAL, because I said so, because why not, flash bashing, i am incapable of updating to a schedule, i'm not a very good writer :/, may is alive just so you know, sorry flash fans, the obligatory field trip fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-03-13 13:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18941854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahardnightsday/pseuds/ahardnightsday
Summary: Peter Parker and his class go on a field trip to the Avengers Compound. Shit goes down.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a field trip fic that totally hasn't been done thousands of times before... 
> 
> I'm not the best writer so that's fun
> 
> enjoy ig

“Peter Parker, Mr Stark has informed me to wake you up.” came FRIDAY’s voice from his ceiling.

Peter groaned, rolling over to the other side of the bed. “I’ll be five more minutes…”

It wasn’t FRIDAY’s voice coming from the ceiling now, it was Mr Stark himself. “Parker, you have school. Wake up now or I’ll get Vision to cook you breakfast.” Peter was wide awake and getting dressed after hearing that. Vision, not needing to eat, could not cook for the life of him. Grabbing his backpack, he ran out of his bedroom and into the dining room, where most of the Avengers residing in the compound sat eating breakfast.

“Morning, Spider-Kid.” said Natasha from her position at the head of the table, feet perched dangerously close to Rhodey’s cereal.

Peter smiled. “Hi Natasha!” He sat down in between Wanda and Sam after being greeted by the other Avengers and grabbed a plate, filling it with any and all breakfast food imaginable.

As he tore through his fourth pancake of the morning, Tony walked into the room. “How are we this morning, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes™?” The replies were mostly grunts. The Avengers were _not_ morning people.

He walked over to Peter. “Hey kiddo. Happy’s driving you to school in fifteen.”

Peter swallowed a piece of bacon. “Thanks Mr Stark!”

“It’s Tony…” he muttered, smiling.

“Oh yeah, sorry Mr Sta- Tony.” He finished his breakfast, said goodbye to the team and went down to the garage where Happy was waiting for him.

\-----

When they arrived at Midtown, Peter thanked Happy and walked over to meet Ned and MJ, the latter of whom had her nose buried in a book (as per usual).

“Hey guys!” Ned returned his greeting whilst MJ just grunted.

“Apparently Mr Harrington’s telling us about the field trip today!” Peter grinned.

“Nice. I wonder where we’re going?”

“He hasn’t told _anyone_. Only a few people know.”

MJ snorted. “I could probably find out.”

Peter and Ned gave her their best _what the fuck?_ looks before resuming their conversation that didn’t end until Mr Harrington started talking in homeroom.

“So, as many of you are aware, we’ll be going on the annual senior field trip next week.” A few cheers rose up from the class. “We always try and get the best experience for our seniors as we believe they deserve it. This year, I think we’ve exceeded expectations. So, without further ado, we will be going to… drum roll please…” A few diligent students stamped their feet on the floor as Mr Harrington excitedly slapped his hands on his thighs. “the Avengers Compound in upstate New York!”

The class erupted into shouts and cheers. Ned excitedly look at Peter, who had his head in his hands. “This is amazing!” he whisper-shouted.

“Dude. I literally have a bedroom there. And, I know for a fact that Tony planned a training trip there for next week. Morgan will be there. I’m all but her brother!”

Ned’s grin didn’t falter one bit. “So you’re saying we might meet the Avengers?”

Peter hit his head on his desk. “That’s the one thing you took out of that?”

Ned nodded.

“I’m so _fucking_ screwed.”

Mr Harrington spoke up again. “I want you to have your permission slips, which I’m bringing around now, in by this Friday. As per usual, they need to be signed by a parent or guardian.”

Peter internally groaned. May was currently away for work and his only other legal guardians were Tony and Pepper. One of them would have to sign it… he didn’t even want to imagine the conversation with Mr Harrington over why the CEO of Stark Industries had signed his permission slip.

“That’s it from me. I’ll see you guys in period 2.”

Sometimes, Peter just wanted to web himself in a cocoon and hide. Right now was most certainly one of those moments.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my dudes. welcome to chapter two.  
> this is a short one as it's the middle of assessment season but i wanted to get something out so here it is. the next one will probably be the start of the actual field trip.
> 
> so i realised that i never actually indicated when this story is set. basically it's mcu canon but thanos never happened - pepper and tony are married with morgan, the compound is fine, pietro is alive, wandavision and stucky are together etc. 
> 
> one last thing - i'm not sure if i should put thor into this??? i probably won't do loki but idk about thor. same goes for captain marvel and valkyrie (if I put those two in they'll be together because i love that ship)
> 
> anyway yeah enjoy

The drive home from school with Happy that day was one of the longest and quietest Peter had ever endured. His day hadn’t got much better after the field trip announcement (not that it had gotten worse). It was a solidly average day which Peter thought could only get better, seeing as he was going home to the people who tied for number 3 on “Peter’s Favourite People List”.

It did not get better.

“Hey Pete.” said Bruce, ruffling his hair. “How was your day, bud?”

He shrugged. “Alright, I guess… nothing big.”

It was at that moment he realised that there were many geniuses, spies and mind readers in the room who could prove him _very_ wrong.

“Likely story.” said Wanda, grinning as red tendrils approached his bag and picked out the field trip slip.

Clint plucked it out of the air with a smirk on his face. “Field trip to the Compound, eh? And it’s the weekend we go there? What a coincidence.”

“Mr Stark _for the love of God-_ “

“Steve, he said a bag language word.”

“You’re lucky I love you, Barnes, or else-“

Tony wrapped his hands around Peter’s ears. “Shhhh, Steven, virgin ears. Anyway, yeah, I organised it. Your principal hit me up – how could I refuse?”

Steve chimed in. “It’ll be fun, Pete. Just think about it as training plus a few classmates.”

“Classmates that don’t know I’m Spiderman.”

“Ned does.” said Pietro.

“Wow, gee, thanks. I forgot about that.”

Natasha smirked. “No need for sarcasm, spider-kid. Pietro was just pointing out that the trip won’t be a _complete_ waste of time. Maybe you’ll finally snag that girl you’ve been talking-”

Peter interrupted her with a “Nat, no.”

She shrugged. “Just sayin’.”

“Do you need someone to sign the form, honey? May won’t be back in time and Tony and I are listed as your legal guardians.” asked Pepper (possibly the only person in the whole team who had his side at least 75% of the time).

(we don’t talk about the Mario Kart incident anymore.)

He smiled. “That’d be great, Pepper.”

“Pass it here, Clint.”

\-----

He handed back the permission slip the next day at school, and unsurprisingly, the whole grade was still going on about the field trip. Even some of the teachers had caught heightened Avengers fever – Mr Harrington was wearing an Iron Man bowtie and Mrs Nelson made a Thor-themed electricity presentation in Physics.

He was about to leave his 3rd-period chem class when Mr Harrington called him back. Ned game him a “should I stay or should I go” look and Peter told him he’d catch up. Walking over to his teacher, he asked “What’s up, sir?”

“Could you explain to me why the CEO of Stark Industries signed your permission form?”

Peter blinked before replying “Ms Potts is one of my legal guardians, sir, and since Aunt May is in Atlanta, I asked her to sign it.”

Mr Harrington raised an eyebrow. “How did you get her to sign it?”

“Oh, I stay at Stark Tower quite often. I’ve been there for the past week and Ms Potts signed it last night.”

Mr Harrington nodded unsurely. “I’ll believe you this time, Peter, but just get Aunt May to sign the next one.”

He nodded, walking out of the classroom. “Sure thing, Mr H. Catch you later." He fingergunned and ran to catch up with Ned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thrive off comments and kudos.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The field trip prelude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey my dudes sorry for not having anything out sooner. 
> 
> I promise the field trip will be in the next chapter - I just wanted to get this out before the end of the holidays so I can focus on school. there might be a long wait between this and the next one so sorry bout that. 
> 
> also we reached 5000 views so that’s pretty lit !!!
> 
> one last thing - I for one haven’t seen far from home yet and I’m sure other haven’t either so no ffh spoilers in the comments please
> 
> anyway yeet

The school had made the amazingly wise decision to let the class stay at the compound overnight, something Peter found out the next day.

 

As if this fucking thing couldn’t get any worse.

 

(he spoke too soon).

 

As they were leaving 6th period, Mr Harrington called the rowdy teenagers back. “I received some more information about the field trip that you’ll probably like to hear, so if you could all sit down-“, he motioned to the desks, “that would be great.”

 

The mere mention of the trip was enough to set off the class (which it did) but Mr Harrington quickly started talking. “The Avengers have scheduled a training weekend at the compound when we’re there and have agreed to host a meet and greet-slash-Q&A type session before we leave.” Shouts of joy rose up from the class; even Mr Harrington had a smile on his face. “So in addition to visiting world class labs and sleeping in the same facility as the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes™, we’ll meet them and get to train with them for an hour or so! How cool is that?”

 

“Not cool.” whispered Peter to Ned. “It just goes from-“

 

“Awesome to awesomer!”

 

“…not what I was going to say.”

 

\-----

 

The day of the field trip (camp? “bonding experience”? Peter’s impending death?) came too quickly for his liking. At least Steve had cooked everyone pancakes for breakfast.

 

Peter ate his breakfast as slowly as he possibly could to try and delay his upcoming doom, but Vision, who was taking him to school, (possibly literally?) looked through him.

 

“Peter, have you gathered your bags? You’re due at school at 8am, and whilst it is presently only 7:26 am, you would rather be punctual than late, correct?”

 

“Well, I mean I don’t really want to go at all sksksksksksn but being on time would be good for my attendance record I guess.”

 

“Did you just verbalise a keyboard smash?” whispered Wanda in awe.

 

Peter grinned before eating the rest of his breakfast in a few bites and taking his bags to the door of the dining room. Waving to the assembled group, he all but yelled “See you guys tomorrow!”

 

An assortment of “See you later, Pete!”, “Looking forward to it”, “Bye, Felicia” (Wanda and, for some reason, Bucky) and “Bye Baby Spider” (Nat), as well as a hug from Pepper repeated the sentiment as Peter walked into the elevator with Vision.

 

“Are you somewhat excited for the trip, Peter?”

 

“I... I guess? It could be worse. A wise man once said to always look on the bright side of life, so that’s what I’m gonna do? I’m just gonna hang out with Ned and MJ and hope nothing shitty happens.”

 

“That is a surprisingly good mentality.”

 

Peter let out a breath and fingergunned. “That’s something I don’t hear everyday.”

 

Vision smiled. “It’s safe to say that you don’t have the most... common sense amongst the Avengers.”

 

Peter laughed. “Very, very true.”

 

\-----

 

The car trip was dotted with small talk between the two heroes and Peter (and Vision, bless him) moved the conversation away from the trip. They talked about everything from Peter’s latest chemistry assignments (“Balanced equations can suck my ass”) to upcoming football games (“I’m sorry to say, Peter, but there is a very, very slim chance of the Jets winning a Super Bowl any time soon, let alone their division.”) to Vision’s evergrowing relationship with Wanda (“You smile every time she’s in your general vicinity, dude.”), to telling each other the worst science jokes they could come up with (“Geology is schist!” “Iodine Ruthenium Nitrogen Perodically.” “Once I read a book on helium and I couldn’t put it down!”).

 

They arrived at Midtown five minutes early, a record for Peter. Ned and MJ were already there, as well as, to Peter’s annoyance, Flash and his goonies. They were snickering about something Flash had said and were looking in his direction. Vision, in his human disguise to avoid recognition, was helping him with his suitcase.

 

“Thanks Vision.” said Peter as he took his backpack from the other man. Lowering his voice, he added “See you tomorrow.” Vision gave him a smile and drove back to the compound.

 

Almost the exact moment Vision’s car left the school grounds, Flash appeared next to Peter. “Who was that, Penis? I’d suggest a butler but you don’t even have enough money for-“

 

“He doesn’t have time for your horseshit, Flash.” said MJ who had come up behind Peter (along with Ned).

 

“Isn’t it sad that you need your girlfriend to do all the talking for you, Parker?”

 

“I’m not his girlfriend.”

 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” MJ and Peter spoke simultaneously. They looked at each other, giggling. The looks lingered for a moment before Flash spoke up again, causing the two to snap their heads back around to him.

 

“Well I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to the Avengers proving that your internship is fake. They probably don’t even know who you are. You’re just a fucking nobody.”

 

“Fuck off, man. The only thing you’ll be finding out today is that my internship is real.”

 

Flash smirked. “Sure, Penis. Sure.”

 

As he walked off with his ‘friends’, Peter breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks guys.” he muttered.

 

MJ and Ned both gave him smiles. Ned spoke. “He’s got no right to say what he does, Pete. You need to do something about it, man. Tell Tony or-“

 

“Tony will never know of it... he’ll overreact and make his life hell if he finds out. Flash doesn’t deserve that.”

 

MJ scoffed. “You’re the biggest Hufflepuff to ever live, dude.”

 

He shrugged, grinning. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that’s that.
> 
> comments, kudos etc are of course appreciated and once again sorry for the long wait/short chapter
> 
> find me on twitter @maximoffwp and tumblr @theoneandonly-billyshears


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The class meets their first Avengers!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with the voting for Harley/Peter or MJ/Peter, the final votes were so close that I put both of them in - basically, MJ and Peter dated for a while but then broke up as they thought they were better as friends, then Parkner got together. So yeah, I hope that satisfies everyone :))))
> 
> Sorry for the long wait, and enjoy!!!
> 
> (unbeta’d)

The drive to the compound in Esopus was only an hour and a half, but it only meant Flash had more time to pester him about his not-so-fake internship. Peter tried his best to ignore him and instead chat to Ned and MJ but Flash, like Thanos, is inevitable. Their conversations would go like this:

 

“Hey, Peter, you excited for-“

 

“If you're going to say something about my internship, don’t waste your breath.”

 

Over and over for the first hour. After that, Flash went and sat back with his “friends”, leaving Peter to freak out in silence.

 

“This might not seem like a big deal, but Morgan’s going to be there. Cassie will probably show up. They don’t know that you-know-what is a secret.”

 

“Don’t worry, man. We might not even see them.” said Ned.

 

“I am worrying! W o r r y i n g b i g t i m e o v e r h e r e !”

 

“W e l l d o n ‘ t !”

 

“I ‘ m n o t l i s t e n i n g t o y o u , d u m b a s s .”

  
\------

  
iron man stan account @yeeterparker  
if i die, turn my tweets into a book  
💬1 🔁 5 ❤️ 21

  
\------

  
They finally arrived at the compound and Peter, even though he had been there more times than he could count, was still amazed at the sheer might of the complex. The main building towered over the smaller training blocks and press accommodation like a lion stands over its prey. The whole class seemed to share his awe at the compound; many of the students were already taking pictures and snapchatting the building.

 

“Here we are, then.” said Mr Harrington, clapping his hands together and rubbing them. “Everyone grab your suitcases from underneath the bus and we’ll head inside.” Peter stayed back, hoping to avoid the initial rush of excited, hormone filled teenagers.

 

Once he, Ned and MJ had taken their bags from the storage compartment and placed them on the carts they’d been given, they followed Mr Harrington inside. The first part of the day was going to be a guided tour before they could peel off and explore on their own. Tour guides for compound tours were normally other interns, many of whom Peter knew, but he was sure that Mr Stark would have something cooked up.

 

The sliding doors opened for them and the class entered the compound. The glass walls and silver-grey colour scheme made it look almost like a super-high-tech airport. The metal detectors near the reception only added to that.

 

Mr Harrington peeled off the group to go to the reception and ask for their tour guide. Almost on queue, a guy in a Stark Industries t-shirt that Peter knew all too well came up to them.

 

“Morning, y’all.” said Harley Keener, approaching the tour group with a grin on his face. “My name’s Harley and I’ll be your tour guide today.” His eyes scanned the group and eventually found Peter, his grin spreading wider. “Mr Stark personally asked me, his favourite intern to take this tour and he told me to tell y’all that he has something in stall for you later.” His statement caused a few excited whispers to rise up amongst the group. “Now, first off, I’m going to give you your identification.”

 

He passed around a basket full of white-gold badges, each with the number 1 on them. The Stark Industries identification system had five different tiers: tier 1, for visitors such as tour groups or journalists, tier 2 for janitors and other staff members, tier 3 for interns and regular visitors, tier 4 for the Avengers that didn’t live in the compound (such as T’Challa, Shuri, Thor, Carol and Valkyrie) and tier 5 for live-in Avengers, Pepper, Morgan, Happy, and Peter. Mr Stark had told him that he, Ned and MJ (both of whom held tier 3 badges) needed to bring their badges as Happy hated reprinting them.

 

Flash unfortunately noticed that Peter, Ned and MJ hadn’t been given badges along with the rest of them. “Mr Keener, why didn’t Peter, Ned and MJ get badges?”

 

“They have their own badges, don’t y’all?” Peter begrudgingly put the lanyard holding his badge over his neck, as did his two friends. A few of his classmates, including Flash, murmured to each other in surprise. “Peter has a tier five badge because of his frequent intern work with Mr Stark, and Ned and MJ have tier three badges as they visit Peter at Stark Tower often. Now we’re gonna head into the elevator and we’ll start the tour.”

 

The class moved with Harley into the elevator and up to level 2, where they visited the Avengers Museum, which held many of the previous suits used by Iron Man, Captain America, and to Peter’s disdain, Spider-Man. He saw Flash admiring the Spider-Man suits and thought, with a twinge of annoyance, He bullies me and unknowingly admires me at the same time. He sighed and continued to listen to Harley, which reminded him that this was the first time he’d seen the older boy in two months. They had quickly struck up a friendship the year before when Harley had visited Tony (and his labs) and had started dating a few months after that, which in turn was almost a year after MJ and Peter had broken up. They called and texted often but only actually saw each other every couple of months when Harley had long weekends or holidays from school that allowed him to fly up.

 

He told Ned and MJ where he was going, and when Harley had stopped talking he walked over to him. “What’s up, H? I trust you being here was Mr Stark’s doing, right?”

 

Harley laughed, giving his boyfriend a side hug. “He told me that your school was coming and asked if I wanted to be a tour guide. I’m only doing it because I’m getting paid for it.”

 

Peter fake gasped. “Not because you wanted to see me? I’m offended, Harls.”

 

“Nope, I don’t like you anymore. Ned and MJ are my new best friends.

 

“How fucking dare you.”

 

\------

 

After a while, Harley spoke up to the group. “We’ve been here for long enough. We’re going to go look at some of the labs we have here. Fair warning though, there may be people using them already.” With the last sentence, he looked at Peter and gave him a wink, making Peter’s worries grow even more. Was someone waiting there to humiliate him? Judging by the fact that most of the people in the compound wanted to do just that, it was very possible.

 

They made their way to the labs and as soon as they walked in, Peter felt both happy and annoyed at the sight of the young woman hunched over at a bench. The class started whispering excitedly, not expecting to actually see someone. Harley spoke up. “Hey, Shuri, the tour group’s here.”

 

The Princess of Wakanda looked up, a cheeky grin on her face. “Hello Midtown. In case you are wondering who the fuck I am, my name is Princess Shuri of Wakanda.” Gasps of recognition rose up from the group.

 

“I didn’t know Shuri would be here!” whispered Ned in Peter’s ear.

 

“I did.” said a smiling MJ. “She told me yesterday.”

 

“The fucker.”

 

“Mr Parker, do you have something to tell the class?” said Harley, a smirk on his lips.

 

“Just that the Princess is a royal bitch for not telling me she was coming.” MJ and Ned both laughed, as did Shuri and Harley. Mr Harrington looked both scandalised and confused at the same time. He opened his mouth to speak but Shuri beat him to the chase.

 

“That’s rich coming from a white boy like you. Oh wait, I’m the rich one…”

 

Peter smiled and rolled his eyes. “Well I’m the one that-”

 

Betty interrupted their conversation. “Pardon my French, but what the fuck is going on?”

 

Shuri grinned. “Peter and I go way back.”

 

“If by way back you mean about 16 months than sure, Jan. What are you working on, by the way?”

 

She gave him a smirk before saying “Spider-Man’s new webshooters. He asked me to fortify them with vibranium, and like the good person I am, I agreed.”

 

Peter knew that she’d be working on them in the near future because he, being Spider-Man, had asked her to. He didn’t however know that she’d be coming here to do it. “Why wouldn’t you just do it back in Wakanda?”

 

“Brother wanted to come here for the Avengers training weekend.”

 

Peter nodded in acknowledgement, but before he could say anything, Flash spoke up. “Why aren’t you working on them, Peter? I thought you said you knew Spider-Man?”

 

“Shuri’s a much better engineer than I am, as is Harley. I do biochem with Dr Banner most of the time.”

 

Some of his classmates’ eyes widened like saucers. “Dr Banner as in Bruce Banner?” asked Abe.

 

Peter nodded. “Yeah. I also work with Nat and her Widow’s Bites, but not as often as I work with Dr Banner.”

 

“You work with the Black Widow?” asked Cindy.

 

“Not often, though, and, once again, Shuri and Harley are much better at that shit than I am-”

 

“Jeez, Pete, just say yes and move on.” came a voice from behind them. The class spun around, almost as one, to see Sam Wilson standing in the doorway.

 

Peter smiled, internally screaming. “Hey Uncle Sam!”

 

He smiled at the younger boy. “Is this your class?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Hello Peter’s class. I’m Sam Wilson, or the Falcon. Peter works on my wings sometimes too.”

 

“How long were you standing there for?”

 

“Few minutes.”

 

“Liar.”

 

The class was still obsessing over the fact that Sam Wilson, actual goddamn Avenger, was standing right in front of them. They started swarming him, asking for photos and autographs and his socks (???????, thought Peter). Sam eventually shook the teens off him and turned his attention to Harley. “Hey bud, where are you taking them next?”

 

“I was thinking of going to the training rooms? Are y’all still in there?”

 

“We’re taking a lunch break now. You guys could head to the common room and we’ll get some food ready if you want.”

 

“That sounds great! Is everyone up for some lunch?”

 

The class replied with moans of hunger and a chorus of approval. Harley seemed to take that as a very big yes and led them out of the lab. Peter stayed behind with Shuri and Harley for a quick chat. “Hey, would you guys be up for a movie later? Or just a hang out in whatever room we end up in?”

 

“Sounds good, babe.” said Harley. “With Ned and MJ?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’m down for that.” said Shuri.

 

“Neato burrito.” said Peter, fingergunning. He waved goodbye to Shuri as he and Harley went to catch up with the group.

 

“The field trip’s gone well so far. Mr Stark better not create some shitshow out of it.” said Peter.

 

“You probably shouldn’t have said that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading lads. We meet the rest of the Avengers in the next chapter which might take a little while


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey. sorry for being AWOL but duty (school) calls (also, most likely like you guys, I forgot all about this). so I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it’s a bit of a mess. also I haven’t actually read it yet so feel free to point out any inaccuracies. there’ll probably be one chapter after this.

Harley led the group, minus Mr Harrington who had gone to make a phone call, through the winding hallways to the Avengers common room, where they were greeted by screaming and Wanda crash-tackling Bucky into the ground.

 

“You _dickhead!_ ”

 

“You came second, Wanda.” said Vision, exasperated.

 

Red flashes of light came out of her hands, crushing the white remote in her hand. Looking down at it, she said “Oops.”

 

“Here, Wanda, catch.” said Nat, chucking her a replacement controller.

 

“Thanks, Nat. I’m gonna beat your _fucking ass_ , Barnes.”

 

“Bold words for a loser.”

 

“I didn’t know we were describing ourselves now.”

 

“Can we just start the next race?” sighed Steve.

 

Wanda flopped back onto the couch, settling into Vision’s side. “Fine, but I’m choosing.”

 

Harley cleared his throat and the five of them snapped their heads around, finally noticing the group at the doorway. “Were you there the whole time?” asked Bucky.

 

“That’s the second most fired up I’ve ever seen Wanda.” whispered Peter to Ned.

 

“What was the first?” He asked. 

 

“When Pepper struck her out in Wii Sports baseball. The microwave hasn’t been the same since.”

 

“ᵀʰᵉ ᵐᶦᶜʳᵒʷᵃᵛᵉˀ ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏˀ” whispered Ned behind him.

 

“Don’t ask.” replied Peter, louder than he’d liked.

 

Wanda grinned, noticing him for the first time. “Hey, Pete! You’ve been quiet.”

 

“Shut your heck.”

 

A chorus of “Hey, Pete!” followed Wanda’s greeting as his classmates became even more confused: why were Earth’s Mightiest Heroes™ playing Mario Kart, why was Peter Parker friends with them, and why was the Winter Solider playing as Baby Peach?

 

“So,” started Harley, “we actually came to grab some lunch. Sam told us to come here.”

 

Nat stood up and came closer to the group. “Well, you guys can all head into the dining room across the hall and I’ll tell the kitchens to bring your lunch out. We won’t be too loud in here, will we Wanda?”

 

“Sorry, mum.”

 

Nat walked back over to her position on the couch. “You should be, because I’m going to destroy you.”

 

“Not happening.”

 

Harley took this as his cue to take the group into the massive dining room, where they sat down and started chatting about everything they’d seen. Many were taking the opportunity to ask Peter about how he was friends with Earth’s Mightiest Heroes™, let alone how he knew them in the first place.

 

“I told you guys, I’m a Stark Industries intern. Mr Stark and Ms Potts are two of my legal guardians, I hang out with the Avengers all the time. Wanda and I taught Bucky modern speak. I have the second youngest Wii Fit age and I currently hold the Avengers Tower Madden trophy.”

 

“The Avengers play Madden?”

 

“Yeah, Mr Stark and Sam go for the Giants, Clint always plays as Minnesota and poor Mr Banner goes for the Bengals so it’s not like they have, like, tier 1 teams to play with… well, Kirk Cousins _could_ lead a resurgence… still. My only competition is Bucky because he’s good at video games and he always plays as the Colts, so he has a great QB and a very underrated front seven, so-“

 

“That’s less to the point – wait don’t you go for the Jets? Sam Darnold is a 74!”

 

“Oh fuck off. I wildcat with Le’Veon Bell.”

 

“Ok, no one cares about y’all’s shitty football teams, we care about the Avengers.” said Cindy, impatient. “Do you have a bedroom here Peter?”

 

“Yeah, it’s sick.”

 

“If you mean sick like vomit sick, then yeah.” interjected Harley.

 

“You’re… vomit sick.”

 

“You weren’t saying that last time you saw me-“

 

“Harley NO-“

 

“Harley YES!” screamed Ned. Peter slapped him in the arm and quickly steered the conversation away from his sex life and onto other peoples’.

 

“One time I walked in on Steve and Bucky.” This set off screams that only magnified when Steve himself came in to check on them.

 

“Uh… hey, Mr Rogers. We were just talking. About stuff” said Peter hastily.

 

He raised an eyebrow before saying “Stuff. Sure.” Luckily for Peter, the roller doors of the buffet opened and the class quickly turned their attention to the food they’d been served.

 

“Have you actually walked in on them?” whispered MJ.

 

“No, I did that for clout. I hear them a lot though. Also Wanda and Vision. And Tony and Pepper… I couldn’t sleep for a few nights after that.”

 

“Holy shit, Peter, that’s wack. I can’t believe the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes™ have sex!” Ned held his head in his hands, trying to get rid of the image that had taken residence in his mind.

 

“Yeah, Clint and his wife fuck like bunnies whenever she’s here, it’s traumatis-“ Peter was cut off by a loud _crash_ and the following screams. He looked up to find _The Fucking Vulture_ standing over his classmates.

 

“Oh hey, Pete, didn’t see you there! Escaping prison was a walk in the park. So now I’ve come back to avenge my… incarceration, I guess? Anyway. Have fun being destroyed.”

 

Instinctually, Peter activated his webshooters and began attacking the Vulture and his goons. He heard a few gasps but blocked them out as the other Avengers came to his aid – enemy forces were the only thing that could interrupt their Mario Kart Grand Prix.

 

Wanda flew up to his side. “You know you just outed yourself as Spider-Man to your whole class?”

 

“Fuck if I care.” He cared very much, but the adrenaline was pumping through his veins as he took down the henchmen. “Well, look, I do care, but that’s not the most – urgh, die – pertinent matter at hand, if you’ll pardon the – fuck – pun.”

 

“That wasn’t a pun, Peter.”

 

“Yeah, we’re fighting them with our hands? No? Ok. Fair.”

 

Wanda flew over and punched some metal dude in the face, before speeding off to choke some bad guys with her scarlet magic. “Over and out, I guess.”

 

The evil dudes weren’t taking the _leave, fuckers_ hint that the Avengers were very not-subtly dropping to them, so eventually Iron Man himself had to intervene. “What did you get yourself into this time, kid?”

 

“Not his fault, Tony.” said Pepper/Rescue as she flew past.

 

“It’s a figure of speech, Pep! Anyway, where are your classmates?”

 

“Oh shit!” Peter looked over to find his classmates literally roped together and at the mercy of the Vulture himself. He, along with Vision and Bucky, ran over to the scene to subdue Big Bird.

 

“Pick on someone your own fuckin’ size, dimwit. Like an eagle or somethin’.” said Bucky, upper-cutting the head evil dude and kneeing him where the sun don’t shine.

 

Vision interjected, shooting people with his head crystal. “Mr Barnes, I have to say that Mr Vulture is considerably bigger than an eagle- oh. Vulture.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The Vulture, previously having been hunched over in pain, straightened and headed for Peter. “Oh no you frickin’ don’t.” said Harley, also conveniently known as Iron Lad, as he (ironically) swooped in and headbutted the Vulture in the chest.

 

“Flag on the play, lowering the head to initiate contact, 15-yard penalty!” yelled Peter as he ran from the scene and scaled the walls to get a better angle on his foes.

 

“Flag on the play, being a smartass, one million yard penalty.”

 

“You’re just salty ‘cause the Titans suck!”

 

“Do not!”

 

“Mariota’s past his prime!”

 

“No! Never!”

 

“Yes! Fu- “

 

“GUYS! A little help?” The two whipped their heads around to see that most of the Avengers had been taken hostage with Peter’s classmates and that they were the last two standing. There was no way they could take on the Vulture and, like, four of his henchmen by themselves. Luckily, they didn’t have to.

 

“Yippy kayak other buckets!” yelled Ned as he hit all 5 of them with a metal bar he’d miraculously picked up from the wreckage.

 

Peter, Harley, the Avengers and Peter’s classmates looked at Ned, shocked. “Ned. What the fuck?” asked Peter as calmly as he could.

 

“Super strength.” replied Ned. He kept a straight face for a few seconds before saying “Nah, JK. It’s just not that heavy.”

 

The room was silent for a few more beats but it was soon broken by the opening of the dining hall door. “I heard some crashes, are you guys ok- ” Mr Harrington stopped as he surveyed the damage. “What the hell?”

 

“This supervillain dude attacked us!” yelled Abe from the doggy pile of students.

 

“And apparently Peter is Spider-Man?” said one brave kid from the bottom of the pile. All of the heads that could whip around to him did, having evidently forgotten that Peter had been climbing walls and shooting webs just moments ago.

 

“You’re Spider-Man?” asked Flash, awe-struck.

 

“Uh.” Peter gulped. “Yeah?”

 

Flash paled and looked away. Immediately, Peter was bombarded with questions about his not-so-secret identity. They only stopped when Tony got up and stood next to him. “I’d like you all to respect Peter’s privacy. We’re going to need you all to sign some non-disclosure agreements so that Spider-Kid’s-“

 

“-hey!”

 

“-identity can be hidden a little bit longer. Until he’s ready. So, who wants to go first?”


End file.
